If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the guy who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen ...and replaced by exact duplicates."

His mind sees things ifferently than we do - to our amazement and amusement. Here are some more of his gems:

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
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Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
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I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
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My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
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The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
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The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
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Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
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`A href="http://www.funny-city.com/jokes/steven_wright1.shtml">The part 1 of Steven Wright Sayings`/A>