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cyanide and happiness jokes

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3 great kings
Little Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?
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Heaven and Hell
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resource Director was tragically hit by a bus and ...
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Moses and Jesus
Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the
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The hippie and the nun

One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus.

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IRS and the gambler

During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS fin

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Capitalism and Cows
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. ...
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Cakes and Ale

Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued...

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Horse and chicken
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety...
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Fish and cat story
One spring day, a fish was swimming about a foot below the surface of a lake and saw a fly hovering just out of striking distance. The fish said to itself, "If that fly comes six inches closer...
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Revelation and Genesis
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took ou
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The Texan and The Horse
A Texas rancher was driving through Mexico and stopped at the edge of the road to admire the scenery and a white beautiful horse caught his eye. The horse looked healthy well kept and was in a separate corral.
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Kiss And Slap

A young technician and his general manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

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Beer and Ice Cream Diet

As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise

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And the parrot said...
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
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The barber and the boy

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

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See and Believe
One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy:
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Jesus and drugs
Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles and disciples to an emergency meeting because of the ...
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